Dumb blonde
How to unlearn the lies we tell ourselves and live to literally (in my case) write about it
“Sometimes the hardest lies to break free from are the ones we tell ourselves.”
I am a dumb blonde. Well, I was. I’m silver now, and have been for the past year and a half. But I was a dumb blonde since birth.
I do not have a four-year bachelor degree. I did not have the opportunity to go the traditional route to college straight out of high school, but earned two college degrees as an adult while working full-time. I am a dumb blonde with no bachelor degree two college degrees.
I am also dyslexic.
I am a dumb blonde with dyslexia, no bachelor degree and two college degrees, who refused to let her difficulties hold her back.
I ama doubter ✔️a loser ✔️not worthy ✔️
on my way ✔️
optimistic ✔️
deserving ✔️
I have debated whether I should bring attention to something that was exceptionally painful and embarrassing for what seemed a lifetime. It is not a fun or lighthearted subject for me to talk about. Mostly, because I believed this lie (I told myself) for so long that I second guessed myself at every turn and my belief became a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the fact is, it is a part of my story and so, here I am, willingly and honestly doing so with you.
Why?
Because the truth always sets us free.
Because the loneliness and isolation of living a lie is not what any of us deserves. We are deserving of our own kindness and grace, even when we are struggling to believe it and get out of our own way.
“It takes the same amount of energy to be kind to ourselves as it does to be merciless.”
A simple, yet powerful step in the right direction…
Change the narrative.
When is enough, enough?
My answer: Out of sheer desperation.
We are all on our own paths so there is no one “right” answer. We have unique stories, missteps, and timeframes in which our experiences reveal the lessons we need to learn in order to grow and move forward.
I reached a point where I was finally and simply, just done. With feeling hopeless and unworthy. With doing the same thing over and over and over again and not coming out on the other side of that hopelessness.
I also had two children who I desperately wanted to make proud. To set the example for so they could grow into confident, kind and respectful adults. How could I expect that from them if I was not setting the example?
And that was when I decided that I would do what it took to become exactly who I wanted to be as a person and as a mom.
As I wrote in my memoir:
I knew three things: it would take work; it would not be overnight; and it would not feel good. It didn’t matter. I had made up my mind.
I spent time initially with my three amigos. Me, myself and I. We got to know each other very well before shortly meeting up with my baggage. We all sat together most days in our group therapy sessions, and we went back.
Way back.
We rehashed our lives and all the unpleasant and unflattering times. We sat often, in silence and in our stench. We did this for as long as it took until we could look in the mirror and see the person we could love and be proud of.
It was not pleasant. It was not easy. And it was most definitely not fun. But it was worth it.
We, the four amigos (baggage included), were worth it.
As I sit here today, I am a recovering dumb blonde, with a sense of purpose, self-worth and belief (in myself), a published book and a whole lot of gratitude to show for it.
A blonde? Perhaps you are not. Feeling less than or inadequate? Whatever you might be finding difficult to overcome, a few things I would encourage you to keep in mind…
Belief(ve in yourself). The irony is not lost on me with this, so please hear me out.
I recently watched a documentary about Jason Kelce, the now retired football Center who played for the Philadelphia Eagles. In his retirement speech, he said:
“I think one of the greatest things a human being can give another is belief.
This world, life, it can be hard.
It can challenge yourself to points of self doubt
and that is a dangerous place to be.
Well, I am lucky my whole life
I have been surrounded by people that have believed in me –
my father, my mother, my brother…”
One of the best questions we can ask ourselves is why? Why, if so many others see a light in us, shouldn’t we do the work to find that same light? To be in our own corner as they have been. We deserve and owe it to ourselves to do so.
Find stillness.
Being single over this past decade allowed that stillness I needed after a failed marriage and subsequent relationship. An opportunity of stillness to look myself in the mirror with a pointed thumb rather than a pointed finger elsewhere—a reminder that I must work on being accountable for myself rather than placing blame.
An opportunity of stillness to lean into and trust myself for my own answers.
And yes, I understand a decade is a long time to be single. I used to question it and wonder if the right one would eventually come along. My honest feeling and answer to that question is only that I accept where I am right now in this moment. I, AND YOU, need not be defined by a relationship status.
I may get some flack for this one, but if used wisely, the internet can be a great source of information and inspiration.
I don’t always love the internet (social media can be an absolute disaster), but there are many positive individuals who are doing the necessary work to encourage and inspire those who might need some guidance and a little leg up.
The links below are for Instagram accounts, but I believe most have a website as well if that is your preference.
Gabby Male (@gabbymale) - Highly recommended for the younger generation (positive body image focus)
Danae Mercer Ricci (@danaemercer) - Highly recommended for women of all ages (positive body image focus)
Bianca Sparacino (@rainbowsalt) - Author, Poet and Podcaster. Her words will soothe your soul.
Tiny Buddha (@tinybuddhaofficial) - Inspirational words of wisdom. Stories to apply for life’s challenges.
Mel Robbins (@melrobbins) - The guru of knowledge and inspiration. Realer than real. Sharp as a tack.
We do not learn from smooth sails and peaceful paths. Unfortunately, it is through the pain and difficulties that we, fortunately, emerge more loving and compassionate toward ourselves.
I hope you find the courage and patience to allow yourself the grace and above all, forgiveness that you truly deserve.
One final note. On my recent visit to Iceland, I learned a common Icelandic phrase: Þetta Reddast (pronounced thet-ta re-dust). It means it’s all going to work out in the end, and don't worry, it’s going to be okay!
Indeed it will.
Thank you for being here
xo Char